Indie Hacking with Kids - It's a Hard, But Fun Ride

TL;DR: Indie hacking with kids can be great! But you really have to be self-disciplined and show love and gratitude along the journey or you risk alienating the people you love most.

I have two young boys and up until mid-2021 I worked Full time AND tried to work on my own projects. It is NOT easy and it can cause a LOT of strife between you and your spouse/partner if they don't understand why you are doing the indiehacking and what the outcome will be/is, and how it benefits the family as a whole.

If you are not disciplined and don't set boundaries, you will wind up forgoing sleep, health, fun, and family time. None of which is a good thing.

Focusing on your side projects will destroy relationships if you let it. You will think it doesn't/won't but but it will - if you let it. Set boundaries, block out SMALL amounts of time each day to indie hack, focus on family, focus on your kids, make sure they know why you spend "a couple hours a day on your computer". Make sure they know what you're trying to accomplish really is for the whole family and not just a selfish pursuit.

If you aren't careful, you'll look back after 12 years fly by and think "How the F did I miss them grow up into little men?". Don't let this happen. You will regret it and the business you build/fail will not be worth the lost time. Even worse if you don't ship or your startup fails. Then you won't even have anything to show for your sacrifices.

Be sure to focus as much or more time on your family and children than you do with your projects. Remember that your family should be the reason you are building this thing.

Avoid missing more family time/functions than coding time. Don't miss the moments that make memories because you want to add a new feature to your project - it can wait, your kids can't. If they ask you to play ball/read/anything, take a break and spend the time with them. Come back to your code when they are sleeping.

Get used to less sleep and more focused coding sessions so you get stuff done.

Get up 2 hours earlier or stay up 2 hours later than everyone else and get sh!t done while everyone in the house is asleep: coding, laundry, meal prep, dishes, dusting, sweeping, todo lists, grocery shopping, clean the bathrooms - whatever needs to be done, do it when it won't affect your time with family/kids.

VERY IMPORTANT: Do NOT do what I did and pull multiple all-nighters per week for months or years with the false belief that there is not enough time to build your project. Not only will you burn out or cause yourself health problems, you will be a miserable prick around your family and you do not want your kids to see this behavior or resent you. You do not want to antagonize your spouse if they are covering your slack while you "chase your dream".

Remember: There is no rush. Consistently showing up every day - even for an hour - adds up more than you think. One hour per day = 365 hours of work towards your project per year. You can knock out a few MVPs per year at that rate.

Set SMALL daily goals for accomplishing thing on your project, and walk away when you've knocked the tasks off the to-do list or get stuck for too long and need a clear head.

Push out an MVP of your project WAY BEFORE you think it looks good to test the market and traction so you don't work on a doomed project for years and sacrifice your time with your family for too long. If you don't gain traction, LET GO OF THE PROJECT AND MOVE ON. Move on to a new idea, or move on from dreaming about being an indy hacker. Make the decision and stick to it so you don't spend endless months/years cheating your kids out of your time.

Make sure your family knows that when you're in your office that it means you're working. BUT if your kids interrupt you to play, take a break and play with them. Make sure they never doubt that they are your most important "thing". Never let them feel second fiddle to your side project.

Spend time with your spouse/partner. Focus on their stresses and make it VERY clear that you understand the additional strain you might be causing them when you work on your side project. Your project will: consume your mind space, frustrate you to no end, make you miserable, destroy your sleep patterns, take you mentally and physically away from your family, make you forget stuff, and much more.

It is important that you acknowledge that this causes more to be put on your spouse's shoulders and causes him/her more stress they did not ask for nor want. Acknowledge this, try harder, be a rock they can depend on. Minimize stresses elsewhere for them. Tell your spouse EVERY DAY how much you appreciate him/her stepping up when you don't. Sadly, I am awful at this, but I know it's what my wife wants and needs from me.

MOST IMPORTANTLY: Every single day spend time with your kids and make sure they understand that you love them and that they are the center of your world. Invite them into your hobbies. Coding a project? Teach them how to code their own. Jump fully into their hobbies. Hate playing with dolls? Tough sh!t. They're only this age once. Play with them. Take bike rides, walks, hikes, play a sport. Every. Single. Day. Have multiple kids? Have one-on-one time for an hour per week with each.

Your side project doesn't love you it doesn't need you to love it. Your kids do. Don't forget that, because they won't. You will wake up 10 years from today and wish you focused more time with them.

Hope some of this is helpful to someone.